devoid of humanity...

disclaimer: please do not mind and pardon the windbag of a rant... it is the fatigue talking... and crazed lunacy at its worst from deprivation of sleep and no end of severe frustration...

it is little wonder that whispery rumours of such like "the end of the world is near", "the book of revelations is about to be done", and "the finals days are about here" fly about these days. no one in particular should be faulted or blamed, for the world is quite apparently bringing about its own destruction through its own doing. devoid of humanity, that is what it is.

my daddy is now lying in a hospital bed in bali since he flew out for work, and there was no news of him the past couple of days, no thanks to his own clumsy carelessness yet again, when he misplaced his cellphone somewhere out there. and so "luckily", someone "somewhere out there" picked up his cellphone and did happen to call up mommy and the homeline. it has been ringing till no end ever since then. why??? to put it in short, money.

the family wants, and given, is in need of money. moreover, the amount asked is no small sum, but what do they take us for??? a bloody bank?!? have to credit them for their ounce of decency in being honest enough to call us to let us know that they have his cell and would willingly let us have it back, in return for that x lump sum of money. impossible transaction given that both sides do not trust each other. yes, do give it to them they are poor and need money, totally sympathize and empathize that it is not an easy situation to handle, especially when one has children to feed. however, that does not give them to god given right to ask for money in return for property that does not belong to them in the first place. they were even "kind" enough to apologize and inform us that they would have to sell the cellphone if the money was not given, and mind you, on their terms.

thankfully, and finally, there is news of daddy, after he has gotten a little better after being warded in for a couple of days because he called his cellphone, and they did kindly pass on the message that he was in hospital and has been very ill, even letting us know which hospital he was warded in, and filling us in on the details that my daddy had forgotten to inform mommy about in his blind absentmindedness, like the hotel he was staying in. they even went to the hospital, wanting to look for him, but did not dare walk into the room, for fear of god knows what, but probably of that that the money would not be given to them.

my sleep was disrupted, try waking up every fucking hour to answer an "out of area" call, hoping to god it is one's daddy calling to inform he is okay and not lying in some smelly ditch or beaten up and kidnapped to be ransomed for an imposssible sum of money that selling one's virginity thirty times over would not pay for, and there was a casting to go for later, in hope for me to get work since the economic downturn is causing inflation and all. no, it was not daddy calling to report his safety, but money needy hungry mongrels chasing me for payment, and that they cannot wailt till wednesday for the money.

no offence to the poorer folk, have been there and know all too well the hand to mouth feeling, but it does not mean that being poor in terms of wealth equates to being poor in terms of humanity and integrity. much as am able to relate to their situation and status, and am thankful for their little acts of kindness in between, but the lack thereof is not particularly impressive, especially not with how they have been at it the whole day, and god knows if they can be trusted to actually return the cellphone after receiving the money. understandably, they are desperate, and desperate people do desperate things in much extreme. nevertheless, their choice of doings does not show much for education for their children, even if were to take into account the need for survival factor.

the worst part about this, or rather, the most stupid and asinine, is how am trying to persuade my parents to see if they can give a little of the portion they asked, in hope the compromised amount would be accepted of course with the cellphone returned, and it would be, somewhat, a win win situation for both parties, especially since the family does need money, and it is not to say daddy is uncompletely unfeeling and ungrateful and not willing to give them a fair reward for the return of the cellphone, what more with the cellphone being an essential tool in daddy's line of work, and it being brand new since his old one was probably going a little wonky tonk. god, there must be something bloody wrong with my circuits up there. the fat but in this whole icky problem, is that no one is willing to budge. the couple does not want to return the cellphone, saying the amount is too little, and my parents are also pretty tired out from the worrying and what nots and do not want to pay more since the amount requested was pretty damn exorbitant, and so it remains, stupidly unresolved. goddamnit, just really makes me wonder what is wrong with these adults or is it me being the crackpot around here.

the bloody laughable thing about this whole incident, was how my auntie had called daddy, only to have the lady tell her about the situation, of sorts, of which when my auntie asked how and where she picked my daddy's cellphone up from, the lady had replied saying she was on her way to church. hearing that shames me. not just that, but also the christian faith that had used to hold belief to, the christian and moral principles that try to uphold, the integrity of basal humanity. so much for the good of mankind. got flushed down the blackhole in my honest opinion, and therefore am severely reminded of the fact to never to ever rely on external help if one ever wants to get things right, never be nice for one would only end up sorry, and also to always be on standback, just in case, because one never knows.

where and what is the logic in all this??? frankly, it is still and probably will remain a mysterious wispy shroud of pointlessness, my daddy could have died and mommy and me would have been left totally clueless, and we would still have been worrying our heads and assess off just wondering while trying to grasp at straws by calling every damn hotel and hospital on that insipid island. goddamnit, kindness does not pay, morality is worthless, and humanity is non existent.