brain food...

disclaimer: read a girlfriend's blog and she posted this particular one entry... no doubt an extremely long post... but was good food for thought... so if you ain't up for a long brain poking read... come back to this one when the mood swings by...

The author of The Teenage Textbook ( 1988 ) - Adrian Tan, was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men:when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process”and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.The good news is that they’re wrong.The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino . It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy. I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average. Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average. What you should prepare for is mess.

Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.Here’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway. Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher. Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working. Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth.

I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It is far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul. Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone. You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.
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lengthiness aside, there is pretty much only one word flashing off like a fluorescent neon sign in a dodgy street in a ghetto district, "wow".

drunkeness...

it has been a period of mad drunkeness, not so much me, but rather for those around me. whether for good, bad, happy or sad, there is always some sort of reason to drink. evidently, perhaps moreso to me where am standing at, that anything, and just about everything, can be used as a reason to get oneself into a state of inebriation.

honest to goodness truth, there ain't no escape the moment one gets on the road of getting sodden with intoxication. having said that, it therefore is a choice, and an extremely conscious one at that, although am sure that many would debate till the cows come home for the opposing argument. after all, the general stand is that no one wants to be drunk as a skunk, what more with the stinking aftermath of a hangover to deal with, yet, that has never, and does not quite stop uncontrollable brannigans from happening.

well, the boyfriends have been getting crapulous at birthdays, and girlfriends pixilated with their relationship problems. as for me, it has been an eyeopening awakening. never been quite a believer of libertine behaviour though am able to logically comprehend the want, and perhaps to an extent, the need for such dipsomaniacal debauchery.

it baffles and stupefies as to why it happens as such, but humans are a fascinating bunch in this bizarre roundabout way. times like these do make me appreciate the finer nuances in life much as there is much to hate about life. times like these, wake me up to my obtuse ignorance, and hopefully, shake me back into shape.

learning is indeed a neverending journey. thank you my dear teachers, for permitting me to partake, share, and learn from you, through you, at your expense. and frankly, it could not be more appropriate a time to give this big thank you to all of you, in view that teacher's day is just round about the corner.

first wins...

on the mahjong table, there are just as much ups and downs when there are wins and losses. despite the fact that the saying goes, "all is fair in love and war", when war has been declared and is raging on the table, nothing is ever quite so fair. having said that, apparently, it is not at all uncommon for friends to become enemies on the table.

for one, it is finally nice to break the all time curse of losing. as to my first wins, well, they were not quite on local ground, and not on the usual table of four, but rather the odd three. nevertheless, it is nice to not be on the losing end for once though it has been long accepted that winning and losing is all part of the game.

on the return, well, guess it is really back to the usual, the losing continues. the only difference this time around, is that at least the losing ain't quite so much due to lousy technique, but losing on the factor of luck. and yes, thirteen odds was still never quite formed, though it was markedly improved to missing it by one tile, or was it two???

all in all, to the victor goes the spoils. better luck next time around.

or so me hope...

letting go...

letting go is known to be one of the hardest things around to do. as much as one tries to pinpoint and tag it down to a justifiable ratiocination, be it to the despicable human greed, or the contemptible human pride, the ambiguity of the wretched process has no pound of reason, let alone an ounce of sense. so much for intellectual postulation.

in all honesty, a newly made girlfriend's amazing ability to do just that, and with the ease she did it with, was quite an eye opener. in short, think it can be said that she is one with bionic adaptability for all the angst and despondency her inner world seems to circulate around. perhaps it is just such, that this dumb dodo is really of a different make of idiosyncracy that is beyond regular comprehension.

for some reason no one can ever explain, or ever know for the matter, erratic eldritch behaviour just haunts and pervades my being. letting go is an impossibility. or if lucky, an eventuality that will be, ever elusively, out of sight, out of an internecine grasp.

in all technicality, letting go, does not equate to give up. yet, it is as it is, and it does not seem so.

the only question, how??? and... what then???

birthday wish...

it was not possible for me to be the first to wish you on this special day for it was predicted that there would be countless numbers all fighting to be the first to get that auspicious first wish to you. therefore, there was no point in being the first; despite the fact that the irony of it all, was that was the first person beside when the clock struck that damning twelve that would mark the start of an older age year for you.

it was not possible for me to give a birthday that had hoped to give, no thanks to plans that went awry from too many wanting to be able to spend your special day with you, and of course, no thanks to no ending changes that somehow switch the original courses that were set out.

it was not possible for me to give that gift that is, very much unfortunately, beyond my means to.

it was not possible for me to give a perfect birthday, though in my mind's eye, it really could have been a reality. if only.

it was not possible to be there in front, for it was just so, and had to be as such.

as it all went on whilst me hid in my small decrepit corner, it did not take much to see, this was what was possible... and became plausible.

it was not possible for me to be the first to wish you on your special day, but... it was possible for me to be the last person to wish you before the magic of your special day was over.

it was not possible to give a birthday that had hoped to give, but... it was possible for me to accommodate so that the changes became such that the end result, was somewhat, if only somewhat, similar to what was hoped for. after all, if it did not happen this time around, there is always the next birthday to try my antics, even if nonsensical, right???

it was not possible for me to give a gift beyond my means, but... it was possible for me to give a substitute that was within my means, though somewhat with much adjustment on my part.

it was not possible for me to give a perfect birthday, for there was, is, and will never be anything such as perfect, but... it was possible for me to give an unforgettable one, or so me hoped...???

it was not possible for me to be in front, but... it was possible for me to be behind, in the background, in silence.

if it were to be all relived once more, the only thing me wish, was that me could do more... so that in this world of imperfection we live in, there was this one moment where perfect was attained.

in retrospect, up till now and until then, one can only try again...

next year.

with everything that has been said and done...

with birthday wishes come and gone...

little is left for me to do...

yet much is said from me to you...

the effete one...

a jaded heart...

a weary soul...

bearing buried loss...

not...

some things broken...

are just not easily deleted...

a pocketbook full...

what was...

what is...

and what could have been...

not...

not anymore...

heat is on...

do you run a fever???

or...

does the fever run you???

while the heat is on...

it roasts my brains out...

deaf ears...

good advice often falls on deaf ears...

neverending waves of regret after the years...

all because of one's fears...

memories past that will come to be...

shutting out all that it could be...

a diamond in the rough...

too many a time when one feels the encrouching trap of a dilemma, it can only leave one with a barrage of questions to answer and an avalaunche of loss that fossilizes one's being. in all honesty, how does, or rather, the question ought to be, how should one go on??? there just is no methodology that could give a canonical riposte to that equivocal enigma.

as one ponders and relives the lessons of the past, there is, somewhat, an automated triggering of the logical thought process, much to one's dismay. more often than not, there can be no legitimate rationale, what more with the absence of clarity in the emotional thought process. the nightmare of it all, is that there is no justification to how why one cannot be distinguished with the other despite the fact that they are, or seemingly so, discrete trains of cerebration.

through it all, there is much to be said, yet all the words in the world seem to fail the true concept. perhaps, and just perhaps, it will eventually lead to discovering that it is all, but an evolution, in presdestination to forge a diamond in the rough. if not, all it was cast for, could only be a treacherous end, that of a diamond in destruct.

dangerous...

"you're dangerous cause you're honest... you're dangerous cause you don't know what you want..."

a walking... ticking... time bomb...

an imperative explosion...

undone...

a precarious thought...

a haunting nightmare...

leaves one undone...

cuppa dreams...

no knowing absolute...

perhaps... and just perhaps... no true end...

mayhap... it is a small crime... somewhat...

thinking the way me do...

sharing cuppa dreams...

the hot seat...

it is an absolute annoyance to be down with the flu bug. however, there is little to be done once the flu bug infiltrates the household. when it does, the only predictable outcome after would be to see everyone going down just like flies getting a fat hard swat and going splat against the wall.

nevertheless, that does not quite stop life from going on. on the contrary, took up a pretty cool assignment at this bike festival that was supposed to showcase a whole collection of bikes. the best part, was being able to plonk my fat ass on the seats without having to worry that someone will point an accusing finger at me for running off with their precious. from really hot ducatis, to the super cool scrambler, to the charming classic harley davidson, yes, it was a sweet experience being in the hot seat.

the highlight of the day??? getting the opportunity to go up on the stunt bike for the wheelie and stoppie, despite looking like complete crap due to the germs bugging my system. pity the other girls were too afraid to go up. one of the girls who had to do the second round went as white as a sheet and had hands so clammy we thought she was about to pass out when she got off the bike.

all in a day's work??? quite, considering one gets paid for it. not too bad when one takes into account that it is an experience of a lifetime, especially if the riders do not take any tom, dick or harry up on their bikes.

makes me want to get that bike license and my own ride. goddamnit.

misunderstood...

when good intentions go awry…

one can only bend in woeful sighs…

tears in stinging silent fall…

alone one stands against the wicked winds…

ghastly nightmares of old arise…

the crumble of defences tall…

the quiescent words… taciturn… stall…

plainly put all in all…

just awfully and painfully misunderstood…

happy birthday...

to my mommy who would probably never read this:

for all the times you have been an absolute grouch, you have also been around for me in the times where it hurt so much that thought it was impossible to hurt any more.

for all the times you potter around and meddle in my personal life, do know that it is out of concern that you do the things you do and sound the way you do, much as it sounds awfully stupid to say that nagging is part of the way you show you care.

for all the times you do all those little things that can be so assed annoying, and pick on me for the very same damn thing, there are also the little things that you do that makes me look back at how sweet you can be when you are not being a frumpy grump.

happy birthday mommy dear. thank you for everything; grouching inclusive. after all, am your little grouch, even if you bought me a laughing cookie monster and singing ernie. and though you absolutely hate my entire soft toy collection for collecting dust and mites and them nasties that send my lungs into a coughing frenzy, can oscar the grouch be next on the list? pretty please?

unexpected surprises...

for all the bad eggs in the lot...

there is that hidden rare good one...

such are new close girlfriends for keeps...

unexpected surprises...

meticulously wrapped up in a pretty little packages...