lifesavers...

in the mystery of life...

uncertain and unfathomable...

everchanging with evolution...

when all seems somewhat lost...

little miracles are somehow found...

in all shapes and sizes...

humbled by compassion and kindness...

steeped in a lifetime debt of gratitude...

blessed by lifesavers all around...

least expected...

in the times least expected...

thirteen odds came to be...

with a close second repeat...

marked day this will be...

in the times least expected...

full cycle...

another year...

same old yet brand new...

with the last leaving in a quiet scurry...

it has finally come about...

full cycle...

proud...

"Goran Simic from the Croatian Medical Faculty won a prestigious award of the `Acta Neuropathologica for 2008.

Professor Goran Simic from the Croatian Medical Faculty has been pronounced the best neuropathologist in the world for the year 2008 for his discovery of mechanisms of occurrence of spinal muscular atrophy. The award "Kurt Jellinger Prize" is awarded by a leading international magazine specialised in neuropathology, "Acta Neuropathologica" that featured Dr. Simic`s in the September issue. Apart from being awarded the prize, Dr. Simic was also appointed a member of the magazine`s editorial board, which is a great commendation, especially considering the fact that there is no opportunity for specialisation in neuroscience in Croatia.

Unexpected success

It is necessary to stress that Goran Simic is the first scientist whose photo was put on the cover of the magazine "Acta Neuropathologica". Professor Simic will receive the reward and medal for his work on October 10, 2008 at the annual assembly of the German neuropathology and neuroanatomy association in Wurzburg. Asked if he had expected the prize, Simic said he did not.- I realised that getting an award was a possible option only when the chief editor of the magazine, Werner Paulus, informed me on June 30 that I entered the narrow selection of candidates. Apart from the discovery, the magazine also looks for the contribution to science hitherto. My previous discoveries in neuropathology, Alzheimer`s disease and published works in the basic research of brain build-up probably contributed to me getting the award. I am also sure that the fact that in 1992 I spent a month in Professor Jellinger`s laboratory on an Austrian government scholarship - Professor Simic told us.

Great success of a modest man

The work for which Simic received the prize shows his discoveries related to the pathogenesis of spinal muscular atrophy and the significance of the discovery for the development of new treatment methods. In talks with Professor Simic we could note that he is a very modest person considering his success. Even he admitted that his colleagues had to "force him" to boast his success in the media. He said he was very proud that his work had been published in such a prestigious magazine, adding that several hundreds of neuropathologists around the world were fighting to get their work published in the magazine. From the perspective of neuropathology, he has been researching spinal muscular atrophy for some 20 years in very humble conditions, with meagre financial resources and exclusively independently or with the help of colleagues and friends. Neuroscientists in other countries have much better conditions and significantly more financial resources, so Simic`s success is definitely commendable.

What is the disease?

Professor Simic explained that spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) is caused by a mutation of the SMN1 gene on the fifth chromosome. Every 40th person is the carrier of the gene mutation. The illness is developed if both children`s parents carry the mutation. But Simic stressed that in a small number of cases, the mutation is newly formed. This means that people who are not carriers can also have children with SMA.SMA is a cluster of inherited diseases that causes the progressive deterioration of muscle. The most common form is proximal SMA that begins very early on with the deterioration of muscles of the limbs. This is the second most frequent neuromuscular disease and some consider it the most frequent rare disease.

How can parents recognise the disease in their child?

We learnt from Professor Simic that the disease has four types. In the worst type symptoms are visible before nine months old with a decreased muscle tone and their symmetric atrophy, as well as a loss of deep tendon reflexes.he symptoms are not immediately visible after birth and are most often visible between two to four months of age. The disease is fatal, most often by the age of three when respiratory arrest occurs. The second type of the disease has weaker symptoms that occur between three and 15 months of the baby`s life. The survival period is longer here, but most of those with the disease die by the age 15. Types 3a and 3b exhibit symptoms by around three years of age. The fourth type is more rare and its symptoms do not surface before the age of 30. On the condition of science in Croatia Professor Simic says that in Croatia, especially at the Medical Faculty in Zagreb, the biggest problem is insufficient financial backing of projects. In the new cycle of projects, the percentage of resources for biomedical sciences has been decreased by 4.5 percent. Simic believes this will affect the success of Croatian scientists in a year already. Because of this he cannot condemn the large number of young experts who are leaving the country to work. They have better working conditions abroad, which is why they can achieve better results and so contribute to mankind.

What is necessary for success?

Every person must give meaning to their own life. As a medical scientist, helping other people by curing diseases is success. I think that self-respect and not giving up in difficult circumstances is most important for success. One needs to discard negative thoughts and visualise positive outcomes and focus on their realisation - Professor Goran Simic said, addressing young people, especially young scientists."


to sum up the ball of feelings all in one, there is nothing but pride and honour in the knowledge that professor goran simic was my professor for clinical anatomy, and one of my favourites at that. it certainly ain't everyday that your professor is nominated and acknowledged as the world's best neuropathologist of the year.

a middle aged quiet soul, who exuded understanding even before he spoke, and had an ever ready kind smile for anyone, yes, even for the stupid ones who had to ask imbecilic questions. such was the air about him. the article probably only managed to touch on a fraction of the actual man, and yet, there is much joy and happiness for the professor who stood tall and just liked to potter around his way in his own simple fashion.

remembered always staying behind to ask questions, especially since he was one of the few more approachable, and fluent in english, professors around the campus. a thoughtful man of little words, but one of action, whose softhearted essence and humble approach in life, has a sympathetic touch somehow.

words of "every person must give meaning to their own life... and focus on their realization" will be cherished, discreetly engraved and remembered in this student's mind despite being far away at this point. reflect and work upon it one must.

my dearest professor, though you would never read this, thank you. thank you so very much for the words of wisdom and lessons imparted on and off campus, for exemplifying and reminding me that there is more, somehow, taught in the use of a soft and unobtrusive touch and tack, and that actions speak louder than words. thank you, for emphasizing and refreshing in my dying brain cells, probably count the dead ones in as well, that failure is the mother of success, and that what maketh a man, is what he makes out of himself.

on eagle's wings...

it is done...

perhaps there is hope yet...

on eagle's wings...

she left...

missing my angel with a broken hand...

she left...

with every fallen tear... she is missed...

my dearest angel with a broken hand...

whereforth art thou???

devoid of humanity...

disclaimer: please do not mind and pardon the windbag of a rant... it is the fatigue talking... and crazed lunacy at its worst from deprivation of sleep and no end of severe frustration...

it is little wonder that whispery rumours of such like "the end of the world is near", "the book of revelations is about to be done", and "the finals days are about here" fly about these days. no one in particular should be faulted or blamed, for the world is quite apparently bringing about its own destruction through its own doing. devoid of humanity, that is what it is.

my daddy is now lying in a hospital bed in bali since he flew out for work, and there was no news of him the past couple of days, no thanks to his own clumsy carelessness yet again, when he misplaced his cellphone somewhere out there. and so "luckily", someone "somewhere out there" picked up his cellphone and did happen to call up mommy and the homeline. it has been ringing till no end ever since then. why??? to put it in short, money.

the family wants, and given, is in need of money. moreover, the amount asked is no small sum, but what do they take us for??? a bloody bank?!? have to credit them for their ounce of decency in being honest enough to call us to let us know that they have his cell and would willingly let us have it back, in return for that x lump sum of money. impossible transaction given that both sides do not trust each other. yes, do give it to them they are poor and need money, totally sympathize and empathize that it is not an easy situation to handle, especially when one has children to feed. however, that does not give them to god given right to ask for money in return for property that does not belong to them in the first place. they were even "kind" enough to apologize and inform us that they would have to sell the cellphone if the money was not given, and mind you, on their terms.

thankfully, and finally, there is news of daddy, after he has gotten a little better after being warded in for a couple of days because he called his cellphone, and they did kindly pass on the message that he was in hospital and has been very ill, even letting us know which hospital he was warded in, and filling us in on the details that my daddy had forgotten to inform mommy about in his blind absentmindedness, like the hotel he was staying in. they even went to the hospital, wanting to look for him, but did not dare walk into the room, for fear of god knows what, but probably of that that the money would not be given to them.

my sleep was disrupted, try waking up every fucking hour to answer an "out of area" call, hoping to god it is one's daddy calling to inform he is okay and not lying in some smelly ditch or beaten up and kidnapped to be ransomed for an imposssible sum of money that selling one's virginity thirty times over would not pay for, and there was a casting to go for later, in hope for me to get work since the economic downturn is causing inflation and all. no, it was not daddy calling to report his safety, but money needy hungry mongrels chasing me for payment, and that they cannot wailt till wednesday for the money.

no offence to the poorer folk, have been there and know all too well the hand to mouth feeling, but it does not mean that being poor in terms of wealth equates to being poor in terms of humanity and integrity. much as am able to relate to their situation and status, and am thankful for their little acts of kindness in between, but the lack thereof is not particularly impressive, especially not with how they have been at it the whole day, and god knows if they can be trusted to actually return the cellphone after receiving the money. understandably, they are desperate, and desperate people do desperate things in much extreme. nevertheless, their choice of doings does not show much for education for their children, even if were to take into account the need for survival factor.

the worst part about this, or rather, the most stupid and asinine, is how am trying to persuade my parents to see if they can give a little of the portion they asked, in hope the compromised amount would be accepted of course with the cellphone returned, and it would be, somewhat, a win win situation for both parties, especially since the family does need money, and it is not to say daddy is uncompletely unfeeling and ungrateful and not willing to give them a fair reward for the return of the cellphone, what more with the cellphone being an essential tool in daddy's line of work, and it being brand new since his old one was probably going a little wonky tonk. god, there must be something bloody wrong with my circuits up there. the fat but in this whole icky problem, is that no one is willing to budge. the couple does not want to return the cellphone, saying the amount is too little, and my parents are also pretty tired out from the worrying and what nots and do not want to pay more since the amount requested was pretty damn exorbitant, and so it remains, stupidly unresolved. goddamnit, just really makes me wonder what is wrong with these adults or is it me being the crackpot around here.

the bloody laughable thing about this whole incident, was how my auntie had called daddy, only to have the lady tell her about the situation, of sorts, of which when my auntie asked how and where she picked my daddy's cellphone up from, the lady had replied saying she was on her way to church. hearing that shames me. not just that, but also the christian faith that had used to hold belief to, the christian and moral principles that try to uphold, the integrity of basal humanity. so much for the good of mankind. got flushed down the blackhole in my honest opinion, and therefore am severely reminded of the fact to never to ever rely on external help if one ever wants to get things right, never be nice for one would only end up sorry, and also to always be on standback, just in case, because one never knows.

where and what is the logic in all this??? frankly, it is still and probably will remain a mysterious wispy shroud of pointlessness, my daddy could have died and mommy and me would have been left totally clueless, and we would still have been worrying our heads and assess off just wondering while trying to grasp at straws by calling every damn hotel and hospital on that insipid island. goddamnit, kindness does not pay, morality is worthless, and humanity is non existent.

sacrifice...

to have and hold one thing, will definitely be at the expense of another, such is the principle of sacrifice. mayhap it can be said, that it is a version, where there is a bizarre and irrevocable warped twist, of isaac newton’s law. very entertaining.

there can be no glory in sacrifice, even in all its distorted deviation. one thing is for certain, there is a hefty price for its occurrence to come about. one’s pride.

it is ever so unfathomable if more or less is ever good, for the inexistence of equilibrium sets to confuse and defuse one’s intentions, leaving an infinite interim for regrettable error. at any one point, sacrifice only serves to leave one feeling damned if one does, and damned if one does not. absurdly distressing in all its unreasonable logic, it is never forgotten.

never enough...

here and now...

tried... trying... try...

never enough... why???

dust...

there will be times in one’s life where one’s integrity is called into question, not to mention that the other bone bits that will be picked in the savage scavenge. no stone is left unturned, no blade of grass given a chance to grow, no saving grace in the mysterious transformation into becoming the fallen, no undoing, no mercy. brutally cruel reality to put in short.

in the face of becoming the judged and damned, it is imperative for one to know oneself. for one about to be under the scornful scrutiny of damning eyes, with accusative fingers pointing, loose tongues wagging, faltering in one’s footsteps becomes an archetypal phenomenon. in the threadbare knowledge that one has lived by, somewhat, one’s principled moral and ethics, it is perhaps devastating, even pitifully preposterous in all its gripping bitterness, to come to realize that there is little comfort in that diminutive bit.

insignificant trivia it might seem to be, made to be; nothing, just what it would be. broken pieces agonizingly and painstakingly put together, once again collapse into lesser shreds and tatters, with the quiet waft of the winds. in the still of the night, with the understated rising and falling of the moon, the dust returns, and settles to tranquil grounds, sweeping it all up, leaving no sight, nor sound, of what was before.

not easy...

"it's not easy... to be... me..."

doubt it is for anybody...

doubt...

inevitable doubt...

irrevocably disturbing...

the shadow has been cast...

damned either way...

there can be no escape...

girlfriends...

much as the growing years were lamentable, nonetheless, it is undeniable that there have been blessings scarcely splattered amongst the growing pains, these little blessings who hold the title of "girlfriends". of course, there are also the unconventional ones who make the coolest "sisters", not to mention the rare selected few who phenomenally manage to bypass expectations, therefore allowing the possibility of boyfriends becoming brothers become a reality.

love them or hate them, girlfriends are very much a part of one's person as much as oneself, or one would never be quite so complete otherwise. nevertheless, for all the good and bad, one is more likely to love than hate them, even in the worst of foolish follies and unbelievable stupidity. evidently, it is undeniable, love is blind.

girlfriends are the strangest and best blessings one could ever have. when the going gets tough, chances are such, that one is more likely to look back on and be reminded of, rely on, or look for a girlfriend. it could be for that overdue spa loving with some floral or woody musk of an aromatherapy going on behind, or a chill on the beach and get that tan going so one stops looking like beancurd, or walking down empty streets hand in hand, completely silent, yet having had everything said out loud in more ways than one, or that much needed retail therapy where the cash must be burnt and credit cards swiped till beyond its limits, or having a cup of coffee or tea or hot cocoa with legs curled up and chatting till the sun goes down and rises up, in every sense, like there is no tomorrow. so big or small, round or bamboo lanky like, drop dead gorgeous or awfully butt ugly, girlfriends are simply irresistable, even if they ain't all femme fatales, and irreplaceable. having said that, reminds me that there are lots of "love yous" that are seriously way overdue.

que sara sara...

the new year has started, was it up to expectation??? most, if not everyone, would have the perception that new year is the literal bringing of the start of a new year, where one can try to shake off and somehow get rid of the old, only to realize it ain't quite so possible. frightfully painful discovery, in more ways than one.

one carries one's burdens with them, no matter how big or small, and with each new year, the bag of worries and troubles just grows, unfortunately, larger and heavier. some say, it is all about the mindset, the attitude, the will. is it???

que sara sara...