Monday, 8 September 2008

heart to heart...


in conflicting times of trials and tribulations, one can only be ever so grateful for miniature life buoys that are somehow planted in the middle of nowhere for one to hang onto for life, quite literally. the truth eventually did come to light, and thankful is this little one that there is no longer a need to be a furtive sneak, captive in a complicated web, spun so as to avoid piercing questions, broken hearts, and chaffing mistakes.

to that particular you, thank you. thank you for your seemingly limitless understanding, neverending patience and kind wisdom in the heart to heart talks that never fail us whenever, should ever the opportunity arise, for us to do a little catch up. it was never my intention to harm anyone through the silence, but in a roundabout way, there is a comfort in the knowledge that you now know. such silence is hard to keep, but do it me will all over again if need be, to save the ones closest to me who would not be able to bear the cruel truth. it was also best if it was all left untold then with certain circumstances and problems that bugged you to no end. all in all, all is well that ends well, or so we hope. perhaps, and maybe just perhaps, we might be the bane of each other's lives; nevertheless, just like in the double rainbow, there just might be hope for better days ahead, at the very least for you me hope after all the dark days that you have weathered through that me know of in my limited knowledge of your life. and yes, am still just a phone call away, across the street, around the neighbourhood. if we found a piece of string sufficiently long, we could make those paper cup telephonies and save on those phone calls.

heart to heart talks with close loved ones, are liken to a cuppa hot chocolate on a cold wintery day, devoid of all warmth, that what little affection that emits from that tiny cuppa gives inexplicable immense solace. certainly a comforting nepenthe in all that is barren. in all honesty, really do not think that am deserving of such kindness bestowed upon me. having said that, it is for a fact that indebted to all these loved ones me will be, for they are never too far away, in spite of the distance over the mountains, over the seas, over the oceans and over the trees; as if... they are just next door, where one can holler out the bedroom window, or a soft whisper through that roughly manufactured paper cup phone, of anything and everything.

reminds me, that does actually correlate with the simple biological equation of how chocolate boosts the level of endorphins, especially since it is known to be comfort food, and endorphins make happy people, and happy people do not go around killing people, or themselves for the matter. well, technically, that is supposed to be a biological equation that works. nevertheless, it is known for a fact that that would pretty much just be fuzzy logic if the individual is exceptionally warped to begin with.

am one such person where the personal belief is to payback in tenfold, and it goes both ways. uncountable think me as extreme, but such is how my life has been lived in spite of the attempts to work at reaching an equilibrium. no doubt yoda made a perfect point in his cardinal wisdom of "do... there is no try", yet, it is a statement dreadfully tough to comprehend when it boils down to the emotion. makes one wonder what the damn brain is there for.

despite the fact that logic and emotion, more often than not, run irreconcilable paths, there ought to be times, even if once in a blue moon rare, when the incongruous would come to a crossroad. when that happens, and all is set in the right of way, nothing, not even a freight train, could stop the direction where one is destined to head. till that day, should it ever happen that is, this little one will just keep on working at passing on that bit of kindness, with all the callous cynical pessimistic sardonic sarcasm that comes with it.

having said that, no, am not nice, never ever said me was...

4 comments:

a particular me said...

unknowingly, u've been that cuppa hot chocolate a particular me has been feedin on..

little u may think of it but that matters alot to a particular me, especially a me that weathered so much. it's as if there's someone out there who can feel what i felt, and embrace what i embraced through that domain of limited and unspoken truth.

in spite of the harsh reality that might/might not inflict on you, know at the very least that somewhere, anywhere. a particular me will always appreciate you. =)

yours,
a me

gloria said...

hey dear,

i haven't heard from you in ages. lets meet soon okay?

a cuppa hot chocolate coming up...

the little one said...

hi dear...
didn't know that was that cuppa hot chocolate for u considering u ain't a hot chocolate person to begin with... believe we were more cuppa people... no??? and u're right... little me do think of it coz it really ain't much on my part... not anything earthshaking or shattering when it comes to trying to help u out... though am glad that those little bits did help a tad in the stormy times... so come what may... we'll take it as it comes... there's little else that can be done about it... and thank u... for letting me know... that there'll always a particular u appreciating me... somewhere... anywhere... -fat hug-


love...
me

the little one said...

hi sweetie...
so sorry u haven't heard from me in ages... ain't not much voice to hear too either... but yes... meet soon we must... cuppa hot chocolate coming up... likewise in return if u need it too... -hugs and kisses-


love...
me