Friday, 19 September 2008

needles and tubings...

if the heart could shatter into a million pieces with a sight, it did, just a little while ago. the surgery was a little longer than expected, so much so it was thought that complications had come up. tough not to let the mind run on this one. it mattered too much. far too much.

granny was wheeled in at one and did not come out till past nine. we only got to see her at around ten after the doctors came to check in on her. mommy and fourth uncle talked to the doctors to get an update. god knows what transpired there. moments like these make me feel the necessity and urge to complete studies as quickly as possible. that need to know and be in the know, by reading the charts, and of the procedures. that single thought aside, really was just in the land of far away; or at least, my mind was. reality was apparently taking its own sweet time to sink in.

it is impossible to watch a loved one lying on a hospital bed with needles and tubings poking in and sticking out all over the place without feeling one’s heart twist with a painful ache of such immense intensity. enough to wrench me out of my dazed silence. now, one really and truly knows, in every sense, why it is ill advised and quite nearly a taboo for a doctor to treat one’s family.

barely awake in her drowsy state from the anaesthesia, granny uttered the inaudible words of, “am i home???”. well, she was not too far off from the truth really. the hospital will technically be her second home for awhile.

granny could not even have a drink of water though she wanted one. tried to ease her discomfort by gently wetting her mouth with a moist serviette. despite the fact that tried to be as gentle and careful as possible without disturbing any of the tubings around, it was unbearable to see granny twitch, ever so slightly, from my pinkie inadvertently bumping into the nasal tube. that twitch, was a stake into the heart. it could not have hurt more that was a cause of pain, even if accidental.

we left soon after since she needed the rest. seriously, would much rather stay and be by her side twenty four seven if possible; or actually, would rather it would be me instead of her lying on that creaky hospital bed. at the very least, there would be the advantage of youth in hopes for a better and faster recovery.

quietly wished granny goodbye, and kissed her on the forehead before tiptoeing with toes of a million catties out the hospital door. hope granny will get to shift out of the high dependency ward soon enough. no, make that hospital, period.

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