birth...

A catch up with another girlfriend today, after one heck of a drought of no news, was quite a turn of the tables from the usual gloom and doom. Firstly, came to know that she got married just last December at the registry in a little family setting. She is temporarily forgiven for forgetting to update me on this bit since have yet to miss her wedding dinner, of which am told will be soon. Fat hint in view as know she will be reading this, underline "soon"! Another gentle, albeit not so very subtle and rather obscene if might add, reminder that it would be preferable if the wedding could be during my summer holiday period so that am actually able to attend. Second up, and quite a huge piece of news to boot, she has got a little bundle of joy on the way due in September. Talk about a double whammy in the news headline, mine at least.

In any case, it was just really heartwarming to be able to share her joy with her, especially after the recent ongoing dealings with good old friends illness and death, one fancies it would have been quite a welcoming relief to have a smidge of life and birth. Please pardon if this cynic does not quite have the mouth corners curling up in a dimply smile, not quite up to such an exercise for now. Never been quite the ardous believer of "sunshine after the rain", guess have my penchant with this little thing called "bad luck" to thank for that.

In retrospect, it does put a spin on things, what more with the death count growing exponentially with the earthshattering quakes in China. In spite of the fact there is such ongoing disaster and destruction out there, ain't quite really affected by it. Few possible factors could attribute to this bizarre occurrence of cold indifference, namely the lack of humanitarian sympathy, empathy and even decency maybe from being overtly affected by personal circumstances, the absence of personal attachment, or just the plain detachment from self, literally, from being absolutely overwhelmed by sheer haplessness.

Nonetheless, such an event is a pointed reminder and question as to the road of choice that is being walked. Another one such episode was on my way back here on the ride. It was certainly a first for me to hear an emergency announcement onboard in the air for the need for a physician. Just at that split second, there was an overpowering urge to get out of my seat to offer any sort of assistance. The impotence, sense of failure and discontentment that came just immediately after was just as, if not more, staggering. Talk about a shot to the head. A moment, just, point blank.

At that very juncture, nothing else really mattered. It was just inefficacy staring right back at me.

After all, at that very point of time, what could a medical student do and have to offer in the face of such, possibly, dire circumstances? Realistically speaking, zilch.

In all honesty, it still is. It is a neverending struggle to chase, what many others termed, a "pipe dream". Neither ingeniusly propitious, brilliantly gifted, nor naturally hardworking, it is little wonder why they were always telling me to get my head out of the clouds.

Nevertheless, it is in all of such consequential times and incidents of birth, life, illness and death that drives my resolve to desperately want my dream, and make that aspiration a reality in hope to effect something better; and just do and achieve so much more, more than this at the very least.

The irony in life, is how the existential sarcastic cynic who is relatively close to being a staunch believer of Sorcrates' stoicism and all things bad and grossly morbid in sadism, masochism and the likes, is also, somewhat, a daydreaming idealist waiting for the unconceivable... for unthinkable miracles to happen...